Boko Haram survivor deals with trauma and rejection
Agnes John is just one of the countless young women whose life was impacted permanently by Boko Haram. At 19, Agnes was kidnapped from her home in Nigeria by the extremist group. Two years later, she escaped – but the lingering shame, trauma, and rejection that so many former captives experience still overshadows her life.
Captivity with Boko Haram
When Agnes speaks about that day in early January 2019 when Boko Haram militants came to her village, she seems almost dispassionate, as if she is speaking about someone else’s life. “We were working in the fields of our farm when armed men approached us. They kidnapped three of us. They later killed my two friends. I am the only one living.”
She is still traumatized. In the hands of her captors, life was as horrific as one can only imagine. “We suffered a lot during our time in captivity. They forced us to work hard for them. They kept pushing us to denounce Christ…I was given to a woman who was married to one of the fighters. In secret the woman was still a Christian. She told me to fake it. That if these people forced me to denounce Christ, I should say yes, but deep down within me I should hold on to Christ. And then, during times of Muslim prayer, I should pray to Christ instead of their ‘Allah’.”
It was an impossible decision. “The woman warned me that if I did not want to be killed, like my two friends, then I should just do what they said. So, I told them that I agreed to become a Muslim.”
Her decision kept her alive, but it didn’t necessarily make things easier for Agnes. “I suffered a lot of violence in their hands. Especially when I sometimes still mentioned the name Jesus. A few times they beat me up until I was unconscious.”
Through it all, Agnes often recalled a song her father taught her and her siblings. “When my siblings and I grew up, we were sometimes very worried that people would attack us. At those moments, my dad sang this song to us. ‘God will never forsake us. God will never abandon us. Even when there is suffering and persecution, God will never leave us.’”
Escape and rejection
The song and promises from scripture kept her going. “In the Psalms there is a verse that says something like, no matter the troubles and suffering you go through, hold on to God. He will deliver you. It really helped to reduce worrying. I had strong faith that I would meet my family (again) someday. Those verses greatly encouraged me. And also, the woman I stayed with, was deeply rooted in God’s Word. So, it helped me a lot to hold on.”
After two years Agnes finally had the opportunity to escape.
“The day I escaped, I was sent with another young girl to go and look for vegetables in the forest. We were escorted by two armed guys. When we went a bit far into the forest, they said we should stay and pick vegetables. Because they had to go somewhere (but would come back for us.) They left us alone. Then the girl I was with, told me to run with her and find a way out to freedom. After a long walk we approached a village just close to my village.
“But I couldn’t recognize many things, because everything had changed. The village was deserted. The buildings were all destroyed. But we decided to walk into the village (anyway).” There Agnes and her friend saw soldiers who brought them to a small camp where the Nigerian army keeps abducted people who escaped or are rescued. Agnes had to wait until a family member could come and officially identify her.
During those two years with Boko Haram, Agnes probably dreamt of the day she would be reunited with her family, imagining her mother running towards her with open arms, her father hugging her tightly and her siblings singing and dancing because their little sister had returned. But reality was far removed from the dream.
Because no one came for her.
The day I found freedom, I felt so much joy in my heart. I stayed with the soldiers, but nobody from my family cared to come and pick me up. I began to wonder… Nobody came to see me. My mom and dad were too far away, in another town. But even relatives and friends who were staying nearby refused to come and welcome me because they were regarding me as a ‘Boko Haram wife.’ They had already condemned me.”
This is sadly a common occurrence among Boko Haram kidnap survivors. Open Doors often meets young women who bravely escape, only to find that their communities, and even their families, reject and shame them. The stigma attached to women who escape is difficult to understand and deeply rooted in the false perception that they have become indoctrinated, and any children born in captivity carry the seed of Boko Haram. Finally, Agnes’s sister came to fetch her and with her she brought sad news. “She informed me that my father was critically ill and he was receiving treatment. For two years I didn’t see my father. Then even after I returned I still didn’t see him… my father passed away the week I came back home.”
“When I came back home, I refused to step out of the house because of how people were talking about me. I wasn’t shown love at all. No one came to greet me. All they did was to laugh and sigh with contempt. At that point I told my sister that if I had known that this is how I would be treated, that I would have remained in the forest or would rather be dead.”
“For a time, I even left my home and community to see if would find peace. But I haven’t found it. Luckily these days things are becoming better, even though sometimes people still insult me.” Recovery has not been easy for Agnes or her family. Her relationship with her mother is strained at times and more time is needed for them to come to terms with the past, and mend their bond. Thanks to your support, Agnes, and many others like her have not remained alone in their suffering. Your support has enabled Open Doors to find women like Agnes and offer them integrated help through things like trauma care to support their physical and emotional recovery.
Prayer
Although Agnes was able to escape, she also represents probably thousands more women and children who are still in the hands of Boko Haram.
“I want all believers in Christ to pray for the many girls still in captivity. Ask God to intervene. Also pray for me, that God will bring an end to the rejection I am going through. Pray also for my family members and community that have rejected me, that God will open their eyes to see that what they are doing is not good.”
